Maria: “The report is done.”
She says this in a timid voice. I sense the report has a 50 % chance of being as good as sushi fished from the Neva river. I don’t want to review it. My thoughts are racing from plump Nastya’s surprised face to Fedya’s models and to Dima’s stupid selfish ego. I’m not depressed. Russian’s are immune to depression. I’m melancholic.
“Yes… I’m… busy. No, well, how long is it? Can we do it in five minutes?”
Maria stands up from her chair, straightens her knee-length skirt by pulling it down with both hands and comes to my desk with the report. She puts a stack of printed PowerPoint pages on my desk and starts to explain the contents. She has a touch of pride in her voice because the sheer length of the report signifies a solid piece of work. In Russia, quantity beats quality every time.
Maria: “I gathered all the materials as you said. I have ad-media metrics, social reach, target audience demographics, direct survey responses, in-store interview, and preliminary sales indicators from the client. I’ve summarized the results on the first five pages with graphical charts that… <…will I make it in time to a corner store Perekrestok, the fridge is empty, not even beer there…> …on page 32 I have created a GANTT chart to explain the future planning of the project for the next phase of the campaign… <…I can’t believe Fedya is now working with hot models all day. That grease ball. I now see why he is in St. Petersburg. He needed a new city that does not know his reputation. He did not choose to come here. He had to come here. That hairball…> …and on page 76 I’ve listed all the sources for the materials used in the aggregate numbers that yield the result of 230,000 views for the landing page of the promo campaign… <…the perfume of Maria’s is clearly not top-shelf. She is now on my side of the desk, sideways to me. I’m sitting. She is standing, bent over the desk and working the papers. There is five centimeters of space between us. She does not feel awkwardness or tension. She has come here to work. Her turtle neck sweater is thick. So is the material of her skirt. Its color is black. She bought it from the market. She has worked on my team for three months. She’s average looking. She had good scores on her diploma. That’s why I hired her. I’m not thinking of having sex with her. At least not too often. It’s not a matter of planning. What happens, happens. I cannot be responsible…> …and that’s why the report's methodology is summarized here.”
She falls silent. There is no question at the end. I’m not sure what she wants to hear. That she did an excellent job? I’m pretty sure she has no idea what she wrote in the report. To fix it, I would have to review every page and probably remake the whole thing. She moves back to the other side of the desk and sits down in a chair. She looks straight into my eyes. I lean way back into my chair and tilt it back into 45-degree angle. My legs are spread wide. I out hale loudly and keep a short silence, searching for words: “Maria… good job. We… can present this to the project team tomorrow. You will do it.”
She gets tight. She has not given a presentation in our company yet. Her pulse starts to race and she is blushing. She looks even tighter into my eyes. Looking for some kind of crumb of help. “What’s the problem, Maria?” I lean forward, put my elbows on the desk and look directly at her. This raises her alert levels even higher. Her breathing is rapid, her chest rises and falls quickly. I can see it through her thick sweater. Her legs are pressed tightly against each other. She clenches her hands in her laps. I throw her a bone: “Make a seven slide summary of the report. Very short. You will have to 2-3 minutes. State just the facts. You know this topic best.” This was the motivational part. Now I continue with the classic Russian management style, the domination and humiliation of the subordinates. “Make sure to do a good job. I hired you to do a good job. If you do bad, I will have a new “Maria” here in your place next week. This is a top team. Only the best get to be here. Do you understand?”
Maria is at her peak emergency levels. She is like a little dog. She would jump very high right now. With a deep look of urgency in her eyes, she says: “Yes! Of course! I will do an excellent job.” She knows not to say too much. She can only make her situation worse.
I feel good now. I’m not at all melancholic anymore. Thank you, Maria. She is still in her chair. Waiting to be discharged. I’m extending the moment with silence. I run my fingers against the table, making a drumming sound. “You can go.” She hurriedly gets up, picks her report from my desk and hurries in front of her computer. I get a whiff of her budget class perfume. It empowers me. She is dependent on me. And this job. I have power. I’m a strong man.
Chapter 5: Maria, a Bone and Russian Management Style